A post dedicated to fighting the staggeringly tragic war against pants.

The Pantsless Revolution

This Revolution is no friggin' joke. It's war out there, and we're the only ones on your side.

The Problem

Nowadays, it's hard to be a pants-hater. All of our lives, people have been telling us to wear pants. I've lost 3 jobs now for wearing a man-thong (mong) to a boardroom meeting, simply because "pants" were the only allowable garment. I also lost a 4th job when I wore only pants to a boardroom meeting, and was told that "pants also have to be accompanied by a shirt, shoes, and tie". When I was young, I would be beaten with a rubber shoe if I complained about having to wear pants. However it came to be, the world has been taken over by an unforgiving and evil pants-loving empire. Even scarier is that most people don't even realize that they are so oppressed.

How it started

Nobody knows. For most of recorded history, wearing pants was considered kind of lame. Most pharaohs, bards, clerics or shoguns wore anything BUT pants, and they usually were the fashion leaders in their respective circles. But around the time of Prohibition, a dark force swept over the land, introducing pants into our culture, first as "acceptable", and then as "formal". In history books, this is known as the "Pants Saturation". During this time, literally millions of loincloth salesmen, kilt manufacturers, thongsmiths, and capemakers went out of business overnight. Forced from their family's age-old craft, these unfortunate souls took to the streets and became addicted to sniffing gasoline or just disappeared completely in a cloud of smoke. With the exception of a brave few...

Modern day: the 21st century

Now, years later, men and women everywhere are enslaved by a culture that insists they wear pants ALL THE TIME. In the office. Out of the office. Many states now require that you wear pants at all times. But a small army of rebels is gathering, led by the very descendants of the ancient captains of the loincloth, kilt, thong, and cape industries. The ones that didn't get slaughtered during the Pants Saturation.

What you can do

You've made it this far. You're probably starting to ask yourself questions like: "yeah, why do I have to wear pants during business meetings?" or "why am I wearing pants to my marriage ceremony?" If you are starting to realize that you have been deceived and held captive all your life, you can start doing something about it today.

For one, you can take off your pants.

And then, when you have them off, you can think about joining us for our next pantsless party.

And then, when you're ready, you can begin learning the ways of the Antipantsologist, and help us in our quest to free the minds of so many other people that are trapped.

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This page was last modified 20:58, 1 September 2007.
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