The Pantsless Office Party
Well, well, what do we have here? A stuffy office party? I got some news for you, Chester. It's stuffy because you are, in all likelihood, wearing pants. If you are a chick, the chances are a little slimmer. But chicks have also been known to wear smart pants suits to the office. And I'll tell you this - most chicks also hate pants.
We've all been there before. You're having a cocktail in the boardroom, making small talk with that d-bag who sits next to you. He's a d-bag. You're eyeing the hot, young, pointy receptionist they just hired. The one who sits at the big desk on the way to the bathroom, so when you have to go for your afternoon benediction, you can't bring a newspaper. Instead you have to print out an article from the "internet," (which they have on computers now), fold it up and put it in your pocket.
As far as we're concerned, there's only one way to get this babe to party with you. You need to lose those pants pretty right quick.
Here's what you do:
- 1.) Abruptly cry out, "My! It's hot in here!"
- B.) Take your pants off.
- III.) Look at the d-bag you are talking to like he's just farted (even if he didn't).
- 4.) Cry out "Hey, this guy just farted!"
- V.) Everybody will be looking at him like he's some kind of jerk.
- VI.) Because you're standing next to a jerk, you'll inherently look more awesome.
- G.) People will notice how awesome you look, and attempting to emulate your awesomeness, will take off their pants.
- 8.) Soon your office party will be pantsless, and you'll be wittily chatting up that receptionist, using punch lines like "So the Rabbi goes 'I didn't tell the elephant to knit me that scarf, but I sure wasn't going to tell him that!'"
