Great Moments in Pantsless History
The 6 most righteous pants-less moments in time:
Whether or not you are comfortable with it, no-pants has been the preferred technique of many a great moment throughout the history of time. We could list them all, but realistically it would probably fill up the entire Internet. Instead, we chose some of the more memorable moments in this staggeringly tragic war against pants. Put it this way, if these people weren't wearing pants, none of these ground breaking moments would have happened and your parents probably would never have met.
| Greeks defeat the Trojans with the Trojan Horse
You think it isn't hot as hell in that horse's belly? No way the Greeks ever would have defeated the Trojans if they happened to be wearing pants inside the horse. I won't even argue about this. Those guys would have sweated to death before they could ever get out of the horse. That would have been awkward when the Trojans found a bunch of dehydrated Greeks inside the horse, right? Yeah, some plan THAT would have been.
| Rosa Parks protests the segregated bus system
Rosa Parks, best known for boycotting the bus systems in an act to desegregate the south, decided against pants. Seriously. It happened. It's on microfiche at your local library. She had a dress on and you know why? Because it's hot down south and I'm pretty sure Dr. Fupa hadn't invented air conditioning for those buses yet.
| Janis Joplin blows "medicine" taking concert-goers minds at Woodstock
Aug 16, 1969 Janis Joplin opts for no-pants and delivers one of the most memorable sets at Woodstock. Tragically, Joplin was later sought after and killed by the very pants she opted against in a show of utter defiance and jealousy by the pants, for leaving her out of the spot light. Please read about The Disadvantages/Dangers of Wearing Pants to avoid a similar fate or worse.
| Larry Bird takes off warm-up pants, schools Pacers
Despite knocking his head on the floor of the Boston Garden in the NBA playoffs in 1991, Larry Bird, wearing shorts, returns to score 32 points against the dreaded Indiana Pacers, helping the Celtics to send trash talking Chuck Person to the golf course for the off season. It was the greatest pant-less basketball moment of all time.
| Ted "Smoke it 'til it's cached" Martin Sets Hacky Sack World Record
Everyone is well aware of the importance and influence of the sport of hacky sack or "hacking" through out time. Well in 1997, Senor Martin had 63,326 consecutive kicks without stopping or letting the hacky sack hit the ground, setting the most important record in the Guinness World Book of Records. Martin would later thank his awkwardly tiny shorts. You try kicking a hacky sack with pants on. It's literally impossible.
| Will Smith writes lyrics to greatest song ever: "Miami"
On a warm summer night, Will Smith was struggling to come up with a new hit. Everyone loved "Summertime" but Mr. Smith was struggling with a severe case of writers block. After grabbing a pear from the refrigerator, Smith took off his pants and began writing the lyrics to the song that would change a nation. Bienvenido A Miami.